All She Wants To Do Is Dance

Uh, ma’am? Yeah, you, a few rows back.

What… in God’s name are you doing?

No, I—just no. See, Mr. Henley’s actually pretty specific about this. The lyric says “dance”. “Dance”. Dammit, now see, you’re not listening. At no point in the song is there anything about “flailing one’s arms like a windmill” or “swaying rhythmlessly” or “falling into one’s husband like a woozy kitten while one’s beer sloshes out of the cup”. And yet, you’re doing all of these things.

Now, I realize you’ve consumed more alcohol than is probably healthy for a full-grown pachyderm, and I know this is a concert and not, like, a church service or anything, but, like, still. For the love of Jesus, virgins, and tiny, tiny babies, please never “dance” in public again. Sincerely, the rest of humanity.

In honor of the Eagles concert, which rocked so very hard, I present:

Choose a band and answer only in song TITLES by that band: Eagles
Are you male or female: Witchy Woman
Describe yourself: I Can't Tell You Why
Describe your ex-boyfriend: Lyin’ Eyes
Describe your ideal boyfriend: The Best of My Love
Describe where you want to be: In the City
Describe what you want to be: Peaceful Easy Feeling
Describe how you live: Wasted Time
Describe how you love: Take it to the Limit
Share a few words of wisdom: Take it Easy

Good, good times.